Thursday, December 4, 2008


The older set, mostly female, seems to be demanding digital attention recently. Today we received a newspaper article from this blog's Martinsburg field office and the one and only Ms. Jenny.

Before you have a great laugh with her story, let me tell you some related family history. During the 1970s my Dad was employed by U.S. Customs and his position required that he carry a gun at times. Periodically, my Mom would hold it for him in her purse when they traveled together. One day she bought my brother a shirt and tried to return it the same afternoon to the same clerk. He refused her a refund OR an exchange on an item because she hadn't handed him a receipt. Steaming, she started extracting her purse contents in search of her receipt, quite begrudgingly, since my Dad was double-parked. The clerk was obviously uninformed that Dad wasn't one for hanging at the mall.

Nearly the last item out on the counter from her bottomless handbag was my Dad's steely service revolver. At that point, Tyson Corner Mall security surrounded Mom while my brother, Pat, ran screaming into the parking lot that Mom was being arrested. Dad left the car, flew into the mall brandishing his badge, explaining away his wife's behavior.

They all enjoyed the manly laughter which guys share once the common bonding of dealing with their women enters the conversation. All the Barney Fife's placed their rubber bullets back into their pockets and returned from whence they came. Mom, Dad and Pat dragged themselves from the mall, back to the car and probably drove to get a large bottle of aspirins. Me thinks Dad suffered a little brain damage from shaking his head in such disbelief of the entire mess. Mom never carried his pistol from that day on.
Ms. Jenny's story is hysterical, in the truest sense of the word. You may have seen it before and if so, as the old switchboard operators said, excuse the ring.

This is a (supposedly) true account recorded in the police log of Sarasota, Florida (Denise or Charlie, would you please ask someone there if it is true?)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to their car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, the proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told to the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly women described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed. Moral of the story: If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

This week will be a "double-blogger" as I have much to report from Thanksgiving. The second missive won't be out for a few days, but stay tuned.

And so it goes...Scoop

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